my adamancy

Love, but without a soul-mate.
Be loved? No need.
I don' t have to accomplish the self-identity through any other' s love. I am still the one I used to be and I will always be.
Unlike those little girls who ask whether in this world exists real love , I prefer to argue about nothing, cause I know that real love is right inside of me. I need no one to approve it. It' s there, tranquil and concrete, firmly rooting in the bottom of my heart. I can feel it every mimute.
And I don' t hate, cause nobody hates someone for his innocence and immatureness.
All I need to do is digest the pain and deposit something positive from it.
Be strong and mature. I think I' ve made it.

a confession I' d like to make today

Admit it or not, in the past, I insistently took it for granted that one couldn' t be wrong or should always be forgiven for what he did as long as he did them in the name of love. however, today, I find myself so wrong.
Nothing' s incorrect if the one you love is happy. In the same way, nothing could possibly be right if the one you love is unhappy. You love him, you please him, this is the everlasting truth.
Indeed, I' ve srewed everything up and I' ve never been willing to admit it till today. So all have resulted in hard and ugly mess. It was my fault. But I am not regretting. And most probably, I won't change much for the rest of my life. Sometimes, one just does something that he feels like he should do.
I have done what I think needs to be done. Right or wrong, this is me. I did, and I accepted all consequences whether I was able to endure them or not. I would also have to accept all those truths and philosophies I' ve never believed before as well as the reality that I was wrong.
Nevertheless, I still love, in a never-mind-right-or-wrong way. My fortune can make me lonely forever, but how could it take away my love of this kind?

一张圣诞卡片

前些日子在大拇指广场的家乐福挑了张圣诞卡片，又写了几句圣诞祝语。可惜祝语总是写得不好，自己也不满意，而且有语病。发给Michael看了，还被他笑。今天在QQ上抓到Michael，让他帮我看了看。原来有语病的第二句请他作了修改，果然有不凡的效果。经他一改，几句话顿时有了亮色。改之前第二句是这样的：“together there' s a deep sorriness, too.”改好的祝语全文如下：

Merry Christmas and may the coming year be good
Along my heartie dips in light blue
For the affections I have never expressed well enough
And for this and all those festivals when I' m not with you

在圣诞这一天，这张卡片终于变得圆满了。

贴首过去写的诗

老早的东西了，大概和上一篇日志一样早。没题目。

山无颜色水无粼，
半缘相忆半伤心。
石头城外双骑过，
古树潭前泪满襟。
夏雨未冻莲花冷，
秋霜不暖牡丹晴。
花落酒浅深寒至，
万絮千丝尽归零。

还有一对祝贺生日的楹联，一起写在这里。这个应该是快离开成都的时候写的了：

福如晨日繁花锦，
寿比陈年醇酒长。


blogger解封了，就想起把过去的东西粘点上来。

恨水，恨冰

过去Lillian曾经告诉过我，张恨水本名不叫张恨水，而恨水这个笔名的由来，有着一些传言。其中一个就是“恨水不成冰”——据说他一直喜欢冰心，却终难遂愿，于是起了这个笔名。
这个想法一直在我心中根深蒂固。直到后来，我又不知从哪本书得到提示，发现“恨水”是从李后主的诗“自是人生长恨水长东”截取而来。诗是一直都知道的，只是断句刚好在恨字和水字中间，所以我自己发现它的可能性极小。而这个时候，我才醒悟，这句诗可能才是这个笔名真正的“官方的”由来。毕竟，张恨水即使真的倾心于冰心，也不用这样显山露水，让彼此都难堪。
之所以想起这个事情，是因为最近的心境。
“恨水不成冰”是期待水变冷，而我，也许始终希望它变暖。
冷一分则为冰，暖一分则化水，同样的温度，有着质的区别。那么，究竟，它是冰还是水……